Having a baby isn’t easy. It’s a lot of work. Most people try for a few months, take a test, end up pregnant, and birth a sweet little boy or girl 9 ½ months later. For us, our story is a little different. I didn’t want to go much further into my blog without sharing this story with you and praying it will be motivation for others.
Go back to the fall of 2005. I became very sick and after 3 days of ups and downs, I was rushed to the ER with a high temperature and constant vomiting. Upon arrival, the doctor diagnosed me with a UTI and after an ultrasound, discovered I had a cyst the size of a softball on my ovary. Praise be to God that it shrunk on it’s own and surgery was not required, but I was sent to a specialist who I began visiting on a monthly basis than eventually moved into a bi-yearly visit. I was so relieved when life went back to normal and the thoughts of infertility left just as quickly as they came.
JR and I had a wonderful wedding ceremony despite the fact that I had a horrible infection the week before we wed. I missed my own bridal luncheon. Talk about a bummer. I’ve considered doing one again just so I could see what I missed. Anyways…we went on our honeymoon with other forms of protection as my antibiotics voided out all forms of birth control we had previously planned. After the first night, we decided we would just let go and let God, so to say. We enjoyed our honeymoon and upon our return, I was somewhat hopeful I would return home with a bun in the oven. A few weeks later, evidence proved otherwise. I wasn’t too disappointed or shocked as it was technically the “first time” so we went back to our initial form of preventative meds. December came 3 months later and on Christmas day, we decided to throw the pill out the window. We knew we wanted kids and the sooner the better. I was so excited about this decision and I knew JR was, too. I went to the store and began stocking up on pregnancy tests whenever they were on sale. Every month would come time for my monthly visitor to come and whenever she decided she wasn’t coming, I would pop out my test and anxiously await the positive sign. 3 minutes later I would go back to find a negative. So I’d wait a little longer just in case and an hour past the test time, still no baby and just a saddened empty womb behind.
After about a year of this issue, we became more proactive about planning for a child. We would time everything and I would take my temperature regularly. For a couple months we even bought ovulation kits in which I never showed ovulating. I was discouraged and didn’t know why I couldn’t produce a child. Was something wrong with me? Did I do something that kept me from having a baby? I was so torn and unsure of why my heart’s desire of becoming a mommy hadn’t come true. We had been trying for 2 years and had not had any progress, only disappointments and false hopes.
At this point, JR and I knew something needed to change. If we wanted a child and really felt God had placed it on our hearts to be parents and carry a child to term, then we had to start acting like it. Mainly me. I had let this eat away at me until I got to the point I almost doubted the possibilities. I finally put down my pride and called my doctor. Did I forget to mention I saw a fertility doctor? God works in mysterious ways. The doctor I was referred to 5 years previously was a specialist and we already had our foot in the door. We went to visit Dr. Kennedy and laid it all out on the table. We had been trying for over 2 years to get pregnant with no pregnancies and needed to know what was going wrong. After a check up and review of my charts, Dr. Kennedy revisited my cyst from years past. The cause of that cyst was most likely caused from endometriosis, which affects several women and their fertility. Not to mention the fact that I hadn’t been “regular” in years. That didn’t help. And no I’m not talking about things that dulcolax can cure 😉 Our doctor encouraged us to begin on light fertility medication and since we knew this may be an option we had already prayed and made our decision. We said YES. Now, before you begin having the thoughts of “did they not have enough faith?” or “that sounds like they’re playing God” or my all time favorite, “you just have to trust God” keep in mind that we have faith and trust in huge amounts. We also believe most people wouldn’t go home if their arm had been cut off- they would go to the doctor. And they wouldn’t be accused of a lack of faith or not trusting God, or even playing God. They would be seen as normal. Why is it that fertility issues bring about such controversy? God created these doctors, too, and as long as what is done is not immoral, then by all means, it is a GIFT FROM GOD.
So now that I’m off my rant, back to the attempts of pregnancy. I was put on a fertility drug called clomid and started it. After a few days, we went back to the doctor to see if my uterus was ready and preparing a home for a little one. Sure enough it was! During this time we also went to our close friends and family, including our small group, and confessed our struggles and told them what steps we would now be taking and asked them to cover us in prayer as well. We spent several weeks praying for a positive on the pregnancy test not sure what would happen. The morning I could officially take a test, I jumped out of bed and did it. I didn’t even wake JR. I was so nervous, so scared, and so unsure of what to expect. As I laid the test down I tried to calm myself down with thoughts of, “this will be another negative. Don’t get too worked up”. I went back to the test expecting to see “not pregnant” (I stepped up to a fancier test this time). I looked and looked for the not and it couldn’t be found. I was PREGNANT! I ran into the bedroom, jumped on the bed and screamed our good news to JR. No sweet gifts or anything like that- just bluntly told him (this is what happens when you’ve waited 2+ years). The rest is history- we gave birth to a healthy little girl 9 ½ months later who has stolen our hearts and given us more joy than we could imagine. There were definitely ups and downs along the way, but that’s for another time.
With all this being said, there are MANY women out there battling with issues of infertility. Some will get pregnant and some never will. It’s just the hard truth of it all. The important thing to know is GOD loves you. The maker of the universe has a plan for you far beyond what you could imagine. Pray earnestly to Him and He will show you what to do, whether it be to see a doctor, adopt, or foster to adopt. There are so many options out there and God will show you HIS plan. Also, find a support group. Find someone who can come alongside you with encouragement and prayers. My best friend dealt with similar struggles, but worse, and I was able to turn to her to try to understand what was going on and work through it all. I would be more than happy to be that for someone. God didn’t put us here on this earth to walk alone but to love and care for one another through the ups and the downs. Lastly, put down any pride you may have and ask your small group, if you have one, to pray. We give them a lot of credit for Emma being here today. Prayers do not go unheard and sometimes they’re answered differently than expected, but there is power in prayer.
I hope you all enjoyed this glimpse into the life of Emma and what happened to get her here. I am here if anyone has any questions or just needs someone to sit and listen. I love you all!