Embracing Everything Emma

Enjoying Life One Baby Step at a Time…

If You’re Not First, You’re Last November 28, 2012

I remember a lot of things about growing up in the Puckett house. One of the biggest things I remember is that I was first child. Along with that comes a lot of personality that shaped me into who I am today. I totally believe that a lot of our attitude is shaped by our birth order and some confusion really comes when you have a middle child parent trying to raise a first-born child. It’s two different people trying to work together but not understanding one another or the reason for why they are the way they are. I think I will understand Emma better than JR in this regard. This isn’t to say he won’t do as good, I’m not saying that at all. I feel, however, I will have a lot of “aha” moments in understanding why Emma is the way she is. I was a first-born and JR was the baby. We were not only raised different but our birth order was different, too. You can tell so much by how we are based on that alone. Today I wanted to help you understand your first-born child. It’s a helpful post because the reality is, if you have kids, you will definitely have a first-born. It’s non-negotiable. Here are some tips on understanding the first-born child:

The Perfectionist Child

We are perfectionists. This one comes as no surprise and I’m pretty sure anyone who knows me well will laugh at this one and say “of course”. It is common for the first-born to have a deep desire for perfection that goes far beyond just wanting things done well. Your first-born will more than likely be extremely hard on themselves without you having to be. They will strive not only for your approval but with a desire to complete any and all tasks 110% and nothing less.

We are people pleasers. Not only will your child be a perfectionist, he or she will also want to please you. To a first-born, they are extremely proud of a job well done and want their parent(s) to be proud, also.  For example, if you praise your child for their hard work on a certain task and then go and change it or do something as small as wiping a missed spot on the newly windexed table, that’s enough to make your child question his or her self worth. To a first-born, they want to do things not 110% but also with your approval and actions are worth just as much as, if not more than, words.

We are natural leaders. Over half of the United States Presidents have been first-born children. This should come as no surprise with this attitude that embraces a first-born child. Most first-borns will be take-charge kind of people who want to lead and lead well. Keep in mind that through this leading, a first-born will struggle with expecting perfection from their followers as well as wanting to please them. It can cause a lot of confusion for a first-born child. The key is teaching your child to balance and realize all the different personalities, not just their own.

We are reliable. If you ask a first-born to sit and watch the paint dry, you can come back in two days and be sure to find them there. If you have a meeting, those who show up regularly will more than likely be first-borns. I find myself very reliable but struggle with being late. My mom is a first-born and struggles, too. I’m almost certain this is in our DNA.

We are aggressive. We will not only fight for what we believe in but fight until the death. We are competitive when it comes to getting something done and having to compete with someone else to make it happen. This can be a HUGE downside of a first-born child as it often times pushes people away and makes communication difficult. Often times, our excitement for something to be completed overwhelms us and has the tendency to come across as aggressive. Be sure when working with your first-born child to work on their approach and how they respond to certain situations. It’s ok to be passionate and excited as long as it comes across in the right way.

I hope these tips help as you raise your first-born child. I would love any and all advice regarding first-born all the way down to the twentieth. Every child is different and shaped to serve their family in an awesome way. The key is finding out HOW to use their gifts and the best way to do so.

What is the biggest character trait you notice about your child/children and their birth order?



One Response to “If You’re Not First, You’re Last”

  1. […] I’m controlling but also because I am so strong willed. Part of this is the curse of being a first born child but part of it is also a part of me that can change and use my strong willed behavior for good and […]

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