Psalm 139:14 “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”
This post has been a long time coming. I have a firm belief that God has created me to be who He wants me to be. I was created in His image and along with that, he made me unique. There is no one else like me and never will be. The same would be true of each of you. Along with these wonderfully unique characteristics that I was created with came some setbacks. As much as God has created me to do good, Satan has created ways to block me from those goods. Therein lie, my flaws. Here goes nothing…
*I am controlling. I like to have control of every single situation in my life and the less control I have, the crazier I get. Seriously. I am working HARD on correcting this but one day at a time. This flaw of mine often times leads to my overly compulsive behavior that in turn drives my husband even crazier. To be honest, it drives me crazy, too. I want to learn how to give up control and I feel like I’m getting there slowly but surely. One day at a time.
*I am strong willed. Now, don’t get me wrong. Being strong willed can be a great thing but it comes with its downfalls, too. I am bound and determined that things will go my way not just because I’m controlling but also because I am so strong willed. Part of this is the curse of being a first born child but part of it is also a part of me that can change and use my strong willed behavior for good and not for bad.
*I always have to have the last word. This comes hand in hand with being strong willed. It doesn’t matter what the discussion or argument is- I always have to be right. And then have the last word. Sometimes it will be complete gibberish that doesn’t “win” it for me at all. It’s just a matter of having the last word and feeling like I’m “done”. The best is when someone reminds me that I have to have this last word….and then I try my hardest to NOT say the last word. Talk about driving someone nuts. This goal seems impossible but I know with time, it can be made. I will learn to NOT have the last word and crave that instead.
*I am irrational. When I get upset you might as well forget common sense or any sense of reality. I’m not even sure that I’m the same person. How is that even possible? I’m certain that I’ve had several out of body experiences where I want to grab myself and say “NO- DON’T SAY THAT” but it’s usually too late. Oh how I hate those moments and then the apologies that have to follow. I would rather skip the irrational behavior and apologies and just THINK before I speak and act a little more often. Another thing to add to the plate.
It would be only fair to acknowledge the things God has intended for good and it definitely helps me out in seeing the good in myself. I’m not sharing my flaws to come down on myself but to make myself open to realizing what needs to change so more good comes out and God shines even more through my life. We all have flaws so I encourage each of you to do some soul searching- figure out where you struggle, what needs to change, how to change, and how to find the support and help to change. Always remember that YOU cannot change yourself but GOD can change anything!