Let me start this post by saying that I am not writing this as an expert. I’m actually writing this as the opposite. I am a humble wife who can admit that 90% of the time I probably get this wrong but I am working to do better. I hope you’ll join me on this journey towards being the wife I need to be for my husband. The wives we all need to be for our husbands.
To better understand, let’s start here:
Genesis 3:16 “Then he said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.’”
After I read this verse, I think “Ok, let’s go home”. I feel like it explains it all. The reason I am the way I am as a woman is because it’s part of the curse we received for allowing sin into our lives. And please don’t start all that junk about how if you were Eve you would NEVER, EVER have sinned against God because you’re lying right now. You sin against God every day and you would have sinned then, too. It’s sad but the honest to goodness truth. We’re all sinners. That’s why Jesus came. **end rant**
Alright, now that I’m off my soap box I’m going to go into the reason for this post. I am called as a woman, and most importantly a Christian woman, to let my husband lead me. Ouch. I hear that and think of the 2,000 times (just today) that I’ve already messed up. I know what I should do, I just struggle with the follow through sometimes. I will say this though- I am better now than when I started. Each day I’m one day closer. I cling to that knowing that I want to obey God, please my husband, and teach my daughter how to honor her husband in future days. Here are some ways how:
*My husband makes the “big” decisions: When there is a big decision to make at our house, my goal is let JR lead the way. This isn’t to say that we don’t talk things through and sometimes he picks what I say, but at the same time, he is the one who makes the decision and is the voice for our family. For example, when we bought our house and our truck I was an equal partner in buying it. He let me voice my opinion and made sure I liked them just as much, if not more, than he did. At the same time, during our closings and paper signings for these things, I let him lead the way. When it comes to big decisions that involve me, JR will usually be more than happy to step aside and let me make the call. For example, he’s ok with how I want to give birth and care for our child within limitations. For example, no at home births for this hoping-to-be VBAC mom. I’m not sure I would go that route, but it’s not a route JR even wants me to take right now.Why? Because it could provide a dangerous situation for an unnecessary reason.
*My husband is the tiebreaker: When we are working to make a decision, big or small, JR holds the card. When things seem hopelessly deadlocked, he makes the final decision. This is part of his role as the leader of our house. Now, JR never just says “it’s this way because I hold more chips”. We work very hard to make all our decisions together and I can only think of one or two times where we’ve disagreed or been so unsure that he had to make the decision for this reason. This is another reason why I love him. He works with me and we are a team. Part of being a team is making decisions together, but someone has to be the team captain. Which leads me to my next point…
*My husband was commanded by God to take this role: Any man who takes this role seriously and focuses on how Christ meant this role to be taken understands that it’s not meant to be “the boss” or “bully” around the spouse. It’s meant to lead, guide, and protect. It never works when you have two leaders, either they don’t work well together (because they’re both the leader) or one eventually quits or leaves. That’s not what marriage is suppose to be. Also, along with JR’s role as my leader comes loving me like Christ loves the church. Does anyone know how Christ loved the church? He died for her. JR has to be willing to lay down his life daily for me, I just have to respect him. In some ways I think I got the easier job.
These are a few ways that I’m working to keep my husband as the leader of our house. I’m very blessed to have a husband who values me and my opinion. His goal in life, after serving God, is to take care of all my and Emma’s needs. That’s HUGE. It’s a lot of pressure and I rarely thank him enough for not only taking on this role, but doing it well. I love my husband and it is my privilege and my honor to let him lead our family. That’s why I’m continuing to work to get better…one day at a time.
Ephesians 5:21-30 “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.”
Do you let your husband lead? What was the hardest time you had to follow this?